Ain't Weird Yet: Entry One (A Psychological Suspense Spy Thriller)(eBook)

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My heart rate ratchets up, faster and faster, and sweat beads up on my bald head. I squeeze my shoulder blades together, press on the floorboard with my left foot, and push myself up in the seat. A drop of sweat trickles down the left side of my face, grazing my left earlobe and sending a tingle down my spine. My heart pounds faster, I open and close my fingers, sliding my hands down from the eleven and one position to ten and two on the steering wheel.

This is my first training mission. I’m training myself to be a spy. My whole life I’ve known I was meant to be some sort of covert operative, but I never pursued my calling. But right now, at this point in my life, I’m ready. Right now I am exactly where I need to be to become the perfect spy.

Real spies aren’t like the ones in the movies. Real spies aren’t super handsome and fit with perfect hair. Real spies are like me. Forty-eight years old, balding and slightly over weight. People that look like me blend in with the crowd. We don’t stand out in any way. I’m normal. I’m average. That’s what a spy has to be. The Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise type spies draw too much attention to themselves.

My plan, which I’ve tweaked for years, is simple really. Get experience. Get good. Get noticed. I know the get noticed part seems contradictory. I’m supposed to be a chameleon, right? But I think I know a way to get the right people to notice me without blowing my cover when it’s time to take the leap. But I ain’t weird yet.

“Ain’t weird yet” is my mantra. I read the etymology of “weird” one time and it stuck with me. It comes from an older word that means destiny or fate or maybe controlling your fate or something like that. I liked where the word comes from so I embraced it as my own. “Ain’t weird yet” means I’m not controlling my fate yet. I suppose that’s the point of this training. To get to where I’m destined to be.

The focus of my training is to develop the skills I need to be a spy. Skills like acquisition, infiltration, extraction, recon, interrogation, torture, torture resistance, misdirection, escape and evasion. I’m also working more generally on lying, cheating, backstabbing, and stealing. I’m developing the perfect skill set to slide right into spying for the CIA or NSA or some other government organization I may not know about. I don’t think I’m the right fit for military spying but I would go for corporate espionage if my gut told me it was the right direction.

The main purpose of this first operation is to establish a base line to get some feedback on my strengths and weaknesses in the field. I’m starting by executing a mission in public and looking like myself. I figure disguises are a more advanced skill, at least disguises that look natural, so I’ll incorporate appearance altering on down the road in my training. 

Here’s the first mission: acquire a gas can from a gas station during morning rush hour. Why a gas can? A gas can is big enough to be a challenge. Acquiring candy or something small feels like a cop-out. I can’t just put a gas can in my pocket and walk out of the store. There has to be some skill involved to get away with it. And rush hour adds a level of anxiety and out-in-the-openness to the mission.