Lick and the Invasion Paperback Bundle - Lick and the Invasion: Books 1 -3 and Lick and the Invasion: Books 4 - 6 (Paperbacks)

Review of Lick and the Invasion: The Beginning (Book 1) (A Humorous Science Fiction Adventure)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5.0 out of 5 stars Wow! This book contains a LOT of "creative" writing

Honestly, I have written quite a few book reviews, and I'm really not sure where to begin with this one. I won't give away the plot, but we'll just say that two buddies (and others) appear to be caught in the middle of a "unique" alien visit/attack? What was the cause of this "attack"? You'll just have to read for yourself. I really just don't know to describe this plot. My jaw is still hanging open. I guess I'll just attempt to summarize a few points about the book:

1. The language written/spoken in this book is not American English as we know it. The author has done a masterful job of capturing a language that I can only describe as "American Redneck" (< and this is not an insult at all because I AM one). Just the lingo and phraseology itself is worth a read in this book. Hilarious.

2. The author has managed to come up with a plot that I can honestly say that I have never read elsewhere (and I've read a LOT of books). The plot is not what I expected, nor was it what I was looking for. But it was very "creative", and I think I enjoyed it? (Hard to explain).

3. WARNING: I highly suggest that the reader should have (or at least be able to laugh at) a 7th grade boy's sense of humor, as the humor is quite juvenile, albeit pretty funny, and somewhat addictive. If not, then this may not be the book for you. Read the Amazon preview and give it a chance. The preview may let you know if this book is for you.

4. I have two really weird thoughts about this book: At first, after reading it, I thought to myself, "Geesh... Now there's a couple of hours of my life that I will never able to get back again". But at the same time, I was entertained; it was brain-dead, relaxed, reading,, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I know that seems contradictory, but I'm fairly certain that other readers may review the book with the same thoughts.

This book is likely not for everyone. I would say that it more likely to appeal to a male audience, and perhaps those who were raised in a similar culture as Lick and Fanger might get a kick out of this book.

One thing about the book, whether you love it or you hate it, there is no denying that this author has a very impressive wit and is one of the most creative new authors that I have read.

I have no idea why, but I'm fairly certain that I'm going to read the next several books in the series. Looking forward to them. I really hope the author fills in an honest author information section because I'd certainly like to know what makes a mind like the author's tick.

-Amazon Reviewer

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Quite a Ride!

Non stop action from page one. This one is a real page turner. I could almost picture myself in an old theater watching a cliff hanger and munching popcorn sitting on the edge of my seat.

-Charles

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ This book is destined to become a classic

This book is better than anything bobby akart or William forstchen ever wrote. I could not put it down until I read it front to back.

-Beauregard

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Rednecks vs Aliens

Humorous, fast-paced, and action-packed! Can’t wait for the second book to continue following Lick and Fanger as they figure out how to defeat the vampars and fart-monsters and the big eye-in-the-sky. Great read!

-David

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Well, that was interesting. And colorful!😂

Not your typical heroes but it was very entertaining. Where'd all the beer go? Never took a break! Wow! 😂

-Donn

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Hilarious!!Just a couple good ole boys having some fun. Dang funny Lick and Fanger are my new favorites!

-Reader

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Couldn't stop laughing.

Rednecks vs aliens what more could you ask for. As a wise man once said "Here hold my beer, its about to get interesting."

-Reader

Introduction

They came up on us like a gravy crap. We was just down by the creek dranking and shooting when them ugly suckers flanked us. My name is Lick. They call me Lick cause when I was a baby I used to lick everything. This is the story of me and my buddy Fanger. We call him Fanger cause when he was a kid he broke his panky fanger on his right hand and his mom and deddy didn't git it fixed right. Now it sticks out all the time like a fancy yankee or English man dranking tea. Anyway, this is the story of our first encounter and how we ended up on the run. Just like everybody else.

Chapter 1 - First Contact

"Leave that thang alone, Fanger!" I hollered. "You ain't the Crocodile Hunter."

"Dadgum, Lick it's just a little copperhead. It ain't gonna do nothin'." Fanger let go of the snake's tail and sipped his beer.

I started to take a sip but stopped and perked up my ears. Something out in the woods was russlin’ around. Usually when the sun goes down you can't hear nothing but crickets and frogs. But right then I didn't hear nothing but russlin’.

"Git your shotgun, Fanger." We always had plenty of guns and ammo around when we was drankin’. We liked to practice our rapid reload and shotgun speed shooting down by the creek. By my clock, Fanger had broke the shotgun speed shooting record on more than one occasion.

"What the hell for?" Fanger licked his bottom lip and listened.

"For that!" I drew my pistol and squeezed off shots like Rambo. This nasty ass thang jumped across the creek, screeching and shit with his tongue hanging out and wagging. I placed a few rounds square in his noggin and dropped him like a turd.

Fanger snatched his shotgun off the ground, cocked it and popped off a couple, just as warning shots for anything out there.

"What in the hell is that damn thang?" Fanger said, holding his shotgun up to his shoulder and scanning the woods.

"Couldn't tell ya, man." I hunkered down and ran my hand over the top of the critters strangy haired head. My hand slid down its neck and over the cold clammy skin on its back. I stared for a minute, looking down at its naked body. "If I didn't know better I'd say that's Bill Cooper. But with slick white skin and a dangly tongue."

Fanger sidestepped over and hunkered down next to me, still aiming his shot gun to the woods. "Holy shit," he said, jumping away. "That is Bill Cooper!"

Fanger spun around looking for something to shoot. I stood up to listen and my butthole puckered. "More comin'!" I hollered. "Across the creek!"

Fanger dropped his shotgun and drew his pistol. We opened fire into the woods, not really aiming just hoping to hit something before it hit us. These nasty critters bolted out of the woods and sprang across the creek. They all had slick looking white skin and big ass tongues.

One of them came at me, tongue swanging from side to side, and tried to lash me with it. Ain't no way in hell I'm getting tongue slapped. Specially with a name like mine. I grabbed its tongue with my right hand, hoisted that sumbitch over my shoulder like a sack of taters, then flipped it over my head like I was Steven Seagal. The damn thang flipped around onto its feet like a cat, but I already had him in my sights and fired one into its skull.

I looked over and Fanger was rasslin' one of them. I didn't see how, but the damn thang disarmed Fanger. Fanger's tough as they come though and don't give up without a fight. Specially after he's been drankin’. I took aim at the critter rolling around with Fanger, but another lunged across the creek at me. I raised my pistol and put that sumbitch down. They kept coming too. I didn't get a chance to shoot the one rasslin’ Fanger, but I took down every one that came at us from the woods.

As I was shooting, I saw Fanger out of the corner of my eye. He was standing toe to toe with the critter with his hands up ready to box. The critter lashed his tongue and Fanger danced out of the way, dropped his shoulder and charged that sumbitch. Fanger wrapped his arms around the critter's waist and body slammed it to the ground. The critter flapped his arms out the side and kicked his feet, trying to flip Fanger off his back. Fanger snatched his arms and locked them in a double chicken wang.

"Kill him!" I hollered.

Fanger didn't say nothing. He wasn't the type to talk and bullshit when he fought. He got straight to business. He laid out over the critter’s back, wrapped his left arm around the critter's elbows to hold the chicken wang with one hand, then slapped his right hand around on the critters face. He felt around for the critters eyes and pressed his pokey fanger into its eye socket. The critter's left eyeball popped and sprayed juice half way across the creek. That seemed to do. That damn critter didn't move an inch after that.

"I did it!" Fanger hollered, standing up over the critter and raising his right arm in victory. "I found its ankly heels."

"What?" I said, scoping out the next critter.

"Its ankly heels, man. Its weakness! Shoot’em in the eyeball!"

"It's akillers heel, dumbass, and I'm pretty sure anything'll die if you poke deep enough into its eyeball. Git the beer and let's haul ass to the truck!"

I snatched up the bullets with my left hand and kept my pistol ready with my right. Fanger hoisted the beer cooler onto his right shoulder and ran behind me with his shotgun pointed to the ground. We heard more russlin’ behind us but we didn't stop to look. We got up to the road and collapsed against the truck. Neither one of us smoke, too damn expensive these days, and we were in pretty good shape from toting shit around at the junkyard all day, but the climb up from the creek was a bitch.

"Holy shit," Fanger said, gasping for air and pointing up at the sky, "What the hell is that?"

I scooted my back up the side of truck and adjusted my cap, squinting to adjust my eyes. Some kind of bright light hovered in the sky over the top of where town was. At least we figured town was still there. "What do you reckon that is?" I asked.

"Couldn't tell yeah, man." Fanger spit and rotated around, putting both arms up on the bed of the truck and bending his knees to stretch his rib cage. "The damn sewage treatment plant finally exploded is my guess."

"Git in the truck." I jerked the door open and climbed up to the cab.  As I slammed the door, one of those critter's head rammed into the side. I pushed the door open and leaned to look down the side of the truck. The damn thang popped up right in my face. I yanked the door closed and my right hand slapped my hip, reaching for my gun was my natural instinct. Before I could draw, the glass shattered in my face and cold fingers wrapped around my neck.

I grabbed its wrist with both hands and pulled with all my might, but the sumbitch was strong as shit. He pulled me closer to him and lashed out his tongue. I ducked my head to the right, dodging the tongue, and a shotgun blast rang my ears. Some kind of ooze sprayed across my face. I couldn't call it blood cause it was too black and too thick. The critters arm went limp in my hands and I pushed myself up in the seat with my legs. My head followed the arm out the window to git a look. The critters head was blowed clean off. The body collapsed and was leaning like a circus contortionist on the side of my truck.

"More comin'!" Fanger hollered, standing in the bed of the truck. He fired off a shot and one of them critters fell to the ground at the edge of the woods.

I cranked the truck, threw it into gear, and Fanger sat down in the bed of the truck with his shotgun on ready. I hauled ass down the gravel road with the ass end of the truck fish tailing around the curves. Fanger's shotgun blasted at a steady rhythm from behind me and them damn critters lurched out of the woods ahead of me. I swerved to avoid one critter and heard the hollow thump of something crashing in the front of the truck. A head bounced over the hood and slapped into the windshield, spraying black ooze everywhere. Like a dumbass, I turned on the wipers. Black ooze covered the damn windshield and I couldn't see shit. With both hands on the steering wheel, I pulled myself up, hooked my left arm out the busted window, and pulled my head out to see. Steering with just one hand, I said screw it and started aiming straight for them sumbitches ever time I saw one.

This went on for a good two miles. Fanger poppin’ them off from the back and me ramming their asses from the front. Once we got closer to the paved road, I saw headlights blazing from the left and taillights glowing from the right. I stopped at the intersection and Fanger pounded on the roof off the truck, jumped out of the bed and hopped in the passenger seat.

"What in the hell's goin' on?" Fanger said, twisting around in the seat. Those critters had stopped charging us for some reason, but neither of was gonna drop our guard.

"Couldn't tell ya, man."

Fanger hopped out and rubbed the black ooze off the window with a rag he found on the floor board. He jumped back in and we sat for a minute watching car after car full of people we knew heading out of town. I looked over at Fanger and we both turned our eyes up to the big ass light in the sky. With all the critters and cars evacuating we damn near forgot all about the big ass light.

"You wanna do it?” I said, looking over at Fanger.

"You damn skippy I do."

I crossed the traffic and turned left. As soon as I did, ever car insight started blasting their horns. The truck in front of us in the other lane flashed its brights and I slowed down. I pulled up next to Earl Bigley and hollered over the horns, "What's all the fuss about?"

"Hell if I know," Earl hollered. "Some kinda invasion."

"What?" Fanger hollered, climbing over me to poke his head out the window.

"Invasion!" Earl hollered and took off down the road. The cars behind him flew past, filling in the gap Earle created by stopping.

"He said invasion, right?" Fanger said, floppin’ back down in his seat.

"That's what I heard."

I gave Fanger a nod and he nodded back. I took off towards town, ignoring the horn blasts and hollering that came from the cars. I drove, keeping my eye on the big ass light in the sky. Fanger flopped around in the seat, on the look out for critters.

"Holy shit," I said pointing up at the sky, "That damn things blinking."

"What fer, you reckon.” Fanger sat up straight for a better look.

I shrugged and put the petal to the metal. We hauled ass down the road for several miles, the other cars a had all gone past and the road was empty except for us.

"Look! Look! Look!" Fanger hollered, snatching his shotgun from between the door and the seat.

I tilted my head up and squinted. At first I thought I was seeing a flock of birds but they were too damn big. The wings spread out about eight or ten feet wide. When one got closer, I could tell it wasn't no damn bird. Feet landed on the hood of the truck, graceful as hell, and a set man junk stood square in my face. The damn thang was naked as hell and built like a person with wings. It lowered itself to one knee, looked through the windshield and shifted its eyes between me and Fanger.

"Lick," Fanger said, raising his shotgun, "I swear that's Bill Cooper again. Didn't you kill his ass?"

"I thought I did." Just as I got a good look at the thang, it opened its mouth and screeched to high heaven. The sumbitch leaned its head up to the big ass light and looked back down at me, screeching the whole time. Slobber dripped from it's lips and two fangs appeared as it stretched its mouth wide and curled up its top lip.

"That thang's a dadgum vampar," Fanger hollered. He raised the shotgun and aimed it at the vampar.

"Wait! Stop!" I said, reaching for the shotgun but it was too late. Fanger pulled the trigger. I jerked my right arm up to cover my face. I looked under my arm and through the hole in the windshield. Fanger hit the vampar square in the chest. That black ooze flowed out but the vampar wasn't fazed a damn bit.

"Those ain't no silver bullets!" I hollered.

"Don't matter none. That ain't no werewolf." Fanger fired of another shot, blowing the vampars head clean off. Its wings went limp, dropped down over the hood of the truck and the body rolled off onto the road.

"They're swarming on us!" I hollered. Vampars flew into the truck from all directions, head butting it and denting the shit out of every inch of my ride. My hands swung side to side, fighting to keep the truck on the road. The roof crunched in and an arm shot through the window, the hand feeling around for something to grab onto. I swatted with my left hand, keeping the hand from grabbing me.

Fanger pointed the shotgun towards the roof and moved the tip of the barrel around, trying to figure out where best to shoot. Then the big ass light stopped flashing and the vampars took off into the air. They flew in formation towards the big ass light.

"Screw this," I said, stomping on the gas, "I wanna know what the hell is goin' on."

The truck still ran good even though those asshole vampars tried the pounded us flat. We got just to the edge of town and steered over to the side of the road.

"Whaddya thank?" I said, twisting the key and killing the engine.

"Couldn't tell ya, man." Fanger opened the door and climbed out of the truck.

I grabbed some bullets, checked that my gun was on hip and climbed out too. I walked around the front of the truck, looking up at the sky. "That light looks dimmer than before."

"Sure does," Fanger said, meeting at the front of the truck. "Let's walk in a little ways and go in stealth."

I nodded and we walked side by side off the shoulder of the road. We crept along the woods, eyes peeled and guns ready, inching our way to the edge of town. As we got closer we could see naked people walking around all over the place.

"They hippies or somethin'?" Fanger whispered.

"Lord I hope not," I whispered back. "That's all we need is a hippy invasion."

We stayed low in the woods and watched. The naked people walked in and out of the buildings around town but didn't seem to be doing a damn thang.

"I'm goin' in,” Fanger said, straighten up and climbing to the road.

I followed, trying to figure out why a bunch of hippies would invade our town.

Fanger grabbed my shoulder, damn near poking me in the eye with has bad fanger and said, "There's Bill Cooper again."

"There he is again." I pointed to the other side of the street.

"Hey, that's Maybelle Turner." Fanger let go of my shoulder. "Dang, she looks halfway decent naked."

"There she is again with another Bill Cooper." My mouth dropped open. I figured it out. "Them are clones," I said in a loud whisper.

"What about those tongue critters at the creek and the vampars?" Fanger scratched his head with his pokey fanger.

"Shit, man, I thank we better git to the junkyard. I got a bad feeling about this."

Chapter 2 - Junkyard

Me and Fanger sipped beers and cooled down from the all the excitement. The hole in the windshield let in a nice breeze that helped. As we circled wide around town in the truck, we watched Naked Bill Coopers and Maybelle Turners walk in and out of the buildings carrying all kinda shit.

Fanger twisted in his seat and said, “Were them first Bill Coopers we killed naked?”

“Say what?” I was only half ass listening. My mind was on the junkyard.

“Them Bill Coopers with big ass tongues down by the creek. Were they naked?”

I held my beer can to my lips and sucked in a big swallow. “I can’t remember. Ever thang was going so fast.”

“Huh.” Fanger kicked his knees up and rested them against the dashboard.

I nodded for a second along with Fanger then gunned it out of town. We had to get to the junkyard. Ever minute that passed my hunch grew stronger. We cruised in silence, the sound of beer cans cracking open and sipping was all that filled the truck. Nothing outside moved neither. No naked people and the vampars had all disappeared.

A light down the road came into view and I turned to Fanger. “Provisions?” I said.

“Yep.” Fanger squirmed up in the seat.

I eased my foot off the gas and coasted into Chubby’s General Store. Damn place was lit up and wide open. Chubby musta hauled ass outa there.

“You git the food and beer. I’ll git the ammo,” I said, slamming the truck door and holding my hand on my pistol, ready to pop it off my hip at the first sign of trouble.

Fanger knew the drill. We made this stop several times a week. Grabbing shit and not paying made it even faster than usual. We were back in the truck in a flash.

“Why the hell we goin’ to the junkyard anyhow?” Fanger asked.

“Cause I thank this shit is all cause of us.”

“Do what?” Fanger ripped a piece of beef jerky with his teeth and chewed long slow chomps as he scanned out the window.

“You remember last week when we was drunk as shit after work.”

“Kinda. That's pretty much ever day, ain’t it?”

“But I mean the day we was super slap as drunk cause we finished the seddy device.”

“Hell yeah I remember that. We sent our first transmission to outer space.”

“Thank about,” I said, adjusting my fangers on the steering wheel. “What did we say?”

“We said all kinda a crazy shit.”

“I mean specifics, Fanger. Can you remember anythang specific we said?”

“Huh.” Fanger chewed his jerky and let his wheels turn for a minute. “We dared them aliens to come mess with us?”

“And?”

“We told them to come after us with ever thang they got.”

“Like what?”

“Like clones.” Fanger adjusted the wad of jerky in his mouth with his tongue and his eyes grew big a shit. “And vampars!”

My eyes shifted between the road and Fanger. It was coming to him.

“Ho. Lee. Shit.” Fanger popped up straight in the seat and leaned towards me. “Our seddy device freakin' works! We asked for all this shit!”

“Yep.” I smiled a little. Half of me was happy we had successfully communicated with the aliens. The other half was shitting bricks cause we caused an alien invasion.

“It all makes sense,” Fanger said through chews. “Our message dared them bastards to come mess with us. I even told them to bring naked critters, naked clones and naked vampars.”

I tapped my foot on the brake and looked at Fanger out of the corner of my eye, waiting for it to come to him.

“Uh oh.” Fanger swallowed his jerky and chugged a gulp of beer. “We said all kinda messed up shit, didn’t we?”

I nodded and glanced up at the the sky. The big ass light in the sky stared to glow bright again. “Not good,” I muttered.

Fanger sniffed the air over the top of his beer can. “You fart?”

“Not recently.” I leaned toward the hole in the windshield to get a good look at the sky and sniffed. “Holy shit, Fanger. You see what I see?”

Fanger poked his head out the window and squinted at the big ass light. “Well I’ll be. Them thangs are flyin’ but they ain’t got wangs.”

A low hum filled the air along with the stench of ass. The truck drifted onto the shoulder and I jerked it back on the road, keeping my eyes to the sky. “Those look like Maybelle Turners. What the hell is makin’em fly?”

A swarm of Maybelle Turners headed straight for us, with their asses in the air and arms and boobs dangling down in front.

“If that don’t beat all,” Fanger said, more surprised than worried. “Them aliens must be sendin' ever damn thang we asked for.”

“What are them? I said, trying to watch the road and the bent over Maybelle Turners in the sky.

Fanger chuckled. “Flyin’ fart monters.”

“No shit.” I grunted out a deep laugh. “But naked?”

“We said naked for ever thang.” Fanger waved his hand past his nose. “Them things are fart propelled.”

The hum grew into straight up fart noises. The bent over Maybelle Turns stuck their asses even higher in the air and dove right for us. I punched it, steering with my right hand and pinching my nose with my left.

“What the hell they gonna do?” Fanger tried to roll up the window but an ass appeared in his face before he could get it all the way up. A giant fart ripped passed Fanger’s face and filled the cab with the worst stankin’ ass poot I’d ever smelled.

“Git that ass outa here!” I hollered as two Maybelle Turners landed in the bed of the truck. I twisted my head back and a foot pounded in my face. Both flying fart monsters were kicking at my rear window. After a flurry of kicks the window smashed and two asses poked in. Two sets of ass cheeks flapped with the sound of high-pitched motorcycle engines piercing my ears.

“Hot damn!” Fanger elbowed the ass on his side.

“Shoot’em dammit!” I wanted to go for my pistol but the smell was so bad I could’t let go of my nose.

Fortunate for us, Fanger had just the right amount of beer buzz. He could thank fast at certain stages of intoxication. Holding his breath, he popped open the glove box and felt around.

More Maybelle Turners landed in the back of the truck. At least four asses filled the back window. By this time it sounded like the world’s biggest monster truck rally. One Maybelle Turner landed on the hood. Then another and another. I couldn’t see shit. Asses covered the windshield, with one of them poking through the hole.

Fanger cracked open a beer and tossed in my lap. “Cover yourself!” he hollered, pouring a beer over his head.

I took a deep breath and snatched the beer can outa my lap. I glanced over at Fanger and emptied the thang over my head. Beer dripped down my face and ran into my eyes. I couldn’t see shit. More beers cracked open and another one landed in my lap.

“Git your face real good!” Fanger hollered.

I kept my left hand on the wheel and pressed the thumb and fanger of my right into the corner of my eyes. I pinched my fangers together, clearing my eyes long enough to get a peek at Fanger. He was fumbling around with something in his hands but I couldn’t make out what.

“More beer on your face!” Fanger hollered.

I snatched the beer outa my lap, tilted my head back and raised the beer over my head. Just as the beer dropped out of the can I glanced over at Fanger again. “Fanger! No!” I hollered.

Fanger didn’t even flinch. With his arms up in front of him, his right hand slid past his left. In a split second I heard the crackle of a match turn to the sound of a muffled explosion. The truck cab light up brighter than the big ass light in the sky, and my reflexes forced my hands over my face.

“Wooooo!” Fanger hollered.

I couldn’t force a peep at what was happening to save my life. I coulda swore I was inside the damn sun. Then it hit me. I knew why Fanger told me to pour the beer all over myself. The heat of the flames warmed my skin but they didn’t burn me for shit.

“Hell yeah, Fanger! Hell yeah!” I hollered, as the warm sensation of the fart flames covered my body. Hollow implosions that sounded kinda like somebody dropped one of them old-timey TV sets vibrated through the air. The heat of the flames changed to a warm wet feeling. I spread my fingers open and looked straight ahead. A Maybelle Turner flying fart monster stood dead ahead of me on the hood of my truck. It was swelling up like a blowfish with flames flaring out of its ass.

“It’s workin, Lick!” Fanger’s voice was filled with excitement.

The flying fart monster on the hood opened it’s mouth to screech or some shit then exploded. Black ooze sprayed all over me and Fanger.

“You’re a dadgum genius, Fanger.” I rubbed my hands down my face and flicked the black ooze off out the hole in windshield. I blinked my eyes clear and focused on the fart gas trails from the Maybelle Turner as they flared up across the sky. If I didn’t know where that shit came from, I might describe it as kinda purty. “How’d you know that would work, Fanger?”

Fanger shrugged with a crooked smile as he rubbed the black ooze in his palms.

“You did know that wasn’t gonna kill us too, right?”

“Well,” Fanger said, fishin’ around for a beer in the cooler at at his feet, “I figured if we wasn’t the ones fartin' we oughta be a’ight.”

I stared for a second and reached out my hand to Fanger. “Can’t complain with results. Beer me.”

Me and Fanger both sat back, chugged a beer and tossed the can through the back window. With my head tilted up to the sky, I reached out for another beer. “The big ass light in the sky is still glowing strong.”

Fanger handed me a beer and muttered, “Mmm hmm.”

“We better haul ass to the junkyard.”

I gunned it down the road, never touching the brakes.

“Why you thank they cloned Bill Cooper and Maybelle Turner of all people?” Fanger asked.

I scrunched up my lips, thought for a second then shrugged my right shoulder. “Hell if I know.”

We both finished off another beer and tossed it in the back as we approached the entrance to the junkyard. “How you wanna play this?” I asked Fanger. He was still in his strategic thanking stage of drunk.

Fanger twisted his jaw and wiped the inside of his teeth with his tongue as he looked around. “Haul ass on in there I reckon.”

“Ten four.” I put the pedal to the metal and we bounced off the paved road onto the gravel road that lead through the junkyard. I rammed straight through the chain that stretched across the entrance, kicking up gravel as I weaved through all the junk stacked on the sides of the road. I knew this road so well I could drive it blind folded, which me and Fanger actually did some nights when we was shit faced.

“Better stop a ways out from seddy,” Fanger said over the crunching of gravel.

I turned down an even narrower trail that lead to a trailer me and Fanger used for storing shit. Soon as I parked, we both hopped outa the truck and bolted for the trailer.

I hustled up the steps me and Fanger built, hand on my pistol of course, and looked back over my shoulder as I pushed the door open. “We can scope shit out for a minute.”

We both headed straight for the ammo first. Great minds thank alike I reckon. We topped off our ammo and flung our go bags over our shoulders—me and Fanger was ready for this shit—and stepped to the back window. We both knelt down, leaned forward, and turned our eyes to the sky. The big ass light was still there and it was still glowing bright as hell.

“Head for seddy?” Fanger said, standing up straight and arching his back.

“Best grab the emergency whiskey.” I pushed off the wall and adjusted my go bag on my shoulder. I kept my eye on the big ass light as I grabbed a bottle off our whiskey shelf. I had a feeling we was gonna need it if I was right about seddy.

I followed Fanger down the steps, twisting my head around in case something naked came after us. I won’t call it nervousness, I don’t git that way, but I had a tanglin’ in my belly for damn sure.

We crept down the trail, keeping close to the junk pile and listening for shit.

Fanger looked back over his shoulder and raised his left palm at me. He lowered his right hand to his right hip, panky fanger pokin’ out of course, and grabbed hold of his pistol, turning his head back to the front.

I stopped in my tracks and waited for Fanger’s signal, clutching the whiskey bottle in one hand and my pistol on the other. After a good five seconds, Fanger closed his left fist and started creeping again. Our endless nights of drinking and training sure as hell paid off.

We squeezed our way through the small trails that lead to the middle of the junkyard, stopping ever now and then to listen. As we rounded the last curve before hitting the the clearing where we built the seddy device, Fanger glanced back at me.

Scanning the area, I stood up while spinning the lid off the whiskey. I took a swig and handed the bottle to Fanger as I walked past him into the clearing.

“There it is,” I said, reaching back for the whiskey.

“Yep.” Fanger moved up next to me, chugged down several swallows and passed me the bottle.

We walked side by side, circling seddy and giving it a look over. I shoved the base of the dish we built outa sheet metal. Damn thang didn't move for shit.

“Outside cables are good,” Fanger said, running the cables through his hands that lead from the gas powered generator to the sheet metal building off to the side of the dish. “Ready to go in?”

“Might as well start the generator.” I said, twisting the top back on the whiskey bottle.

Fanger flipped the switch on the generator and seddy lit up the clearing.

I lifted the gate latch on the sheet metal door and bumped it with my hip. Just as the door opened, static from the radio speakers we rigged up crackled through the air. I jumped back from the door, unholstered my pistol and looked at Fanger.

“Hey, boy!” some redneck hollered through seddy.

“What the hell?” Fanger bolted past me and kicked the door open. Just as he did the big ass light in the sky lit up even brighter.

“Fanger stop!” I hollered. We both walked backwards watching the big ass light in the sky as it flew closer to us.

“Hey, boy!” the voice hollered again. “You the sumbitches that sent the message?”

“What the hell?” I looked at Fanger and he shrugged.

“You start shit. We finish shit. We’re here to stomp a mud hole in this planet’s ass,” the voice hollered. “Whaddya gotta say nah, boy?”

The big ass light in the sky hovered directly over us. Me and Fanger squinted up at it, tryin to git a good look but couldn’t see shit. I took another swig of whiskey and passed Fanger the bottle. This is some bullshit.